Neurotypical / Neurodiverse couples therapy

My experience of a mixed-neurotype marriage, including being partnered with an autistic person with ADHD for over two decades, informs my work. Every couple is different, though, and one person’s experience cannot speak for everyone. I bring my lived experience together with my professional training and learning about autism, attachment and relationships. The 14 areas below offer possible topics for our work together. They are not a fixed sequence, and you do not need a diagnosis to explore them. We would focus on what matters to both of you and adapt the work to your relationship. 1. Understanding each other’s experiences — Explore how each person experiences communication, sensory information, routines and relationships. This may include experiences associated with autism, ADHD or OCD, and terms such as Asperger’s if someone uses them for themselves. No diagnosis is needed, and we respect each person’s preferred language. 2. Making space for self-understanding — Consider what acceptance means to each of you, whether you have a diagnosis, self-identify or are still exploring. 3. Finding a sustainable pace — Agree what feels manageable and how to keep making space for the work during difficult periods. 4. Exploring different needs and responses — Notice how each person’s ways of processing, communicating and responding to stress may affect the relationship. 5. Recognising wider support needs — Explore whether experiences such as anxiety, low mood, OCD or ADHD are affecting the relationship, and whether additional support may be helpful. 6. Building self-awareness — Identify personal needs, strengths, boundaries and signs of overwhelm. 7. Creating a Relationship Schedule — Develop a shared routine for connection, responsibilities and time together that works for both partners. 8. Talking about intimacy — Make space for each person’s needs, comfort, boundaries and consent in emotional and sexual intimacy. 9. Making room for different ways of connecting — Explore shared activities, quiet companionship and time spent alongside one another doing separate things. 10. Responding to overwhelm — Identify sensory or emotional stress, shutdown or other signs of distress, and discuss what support and recovery time may help. 11. Exploring Theory of Mind — Notice that each partner may interpret situations differently, and practise checking assumptions with curiosity rather than expecting either person to read the other’s mind. 12. Making communication clearer — Share preferences and clarify words, tone, facial expressions or gestures rather than relying on either person to interpret them in the same way. 13. Considering co-parenting, if relevant — Explore approaches to parenting and shared responsibilities that respect each person’s needs. 14. Reviewing expectations with care — Notice assumptions or recurring tensions, and consider changes that respect both partners’ differences and strengths.